Supporting Your Loved One's Mental Health Journey | Whatever You Need

When someone we care about is going through a difficult time, we always want to find ways to help. With mental health, though, so many people find themselves clueless about how to effectively support their loved ones. When people reach out and ask for support, a common answer is, "Sure, whatever you need." However, this sentiment often goes unfulfilled because mental illness is very isolating and often makes it difficult to express one's own needs. This is why we created Whatever You Need. This project will share practical knowledge on how to support your loved ones through good times and bad. What should you do to help your loved ones?

Educate Yourself

The first step is to find resources (like Angkla PH 😉) and learn as much as you can about mental health. The more you know, the better you can understand your friends or family members. Beyond researching mental health, you also need to learn about your loved ones themselves. Get to know both the superficial things, like their favorite milk tea or their pet peeves, and the deep stuff, like their biggest dreams or darkest struggles. Knowing your loved one on a personal level will help you figure out what they need in the future.

Connect

Mental illness often makes people feel isolated and makes it extremely difficult to reach out, even to close family or friends. When someone does reach out, the best thing you can do is listen. Validate your loved one's emotions and make sure they know that you're here for them and that they're never alone in this. Try to ask questions, but don't push them to answer if they're not comfortable. Remember, listening doesn't mean you have to give advice. All you have to do is take the time to sit down and be present in the moment with them.

Hold their hand, but don't pull.

Maisel and Gable (2009) posited that Invisible support (support that is provided in a subtle, less noticeable way) is often more effective in combating depression and anxiety than visible support (support that is given very directly). This is because visible support can often lead to a decrease in self-worth and a feeling of dependence on whoever is providing the support. Invisible support, on the other hand, will make life easier for your loved ones without making them feel bad. Small, simple things like making them a snack or doing a chore for them can make the biggest difference in someone's day.

Challenge Harmful Habits

A contributing factor to mental illness, particularly when it goes undiagnosed, is that people tend to give ill advice rather than being supportive. Oftentimes, well-meaning people end up invalidating others' experiences and making them feel bad about things they cannot control. Damaging statements like these deter people from speaking up.

Simply listening is enough.

When someone opens up to you about their struggles here are some things that you should avoid:

• Telling them to smile and forget about it

• Blaming it on them

• Blaming yourself for their problems

• Trying to solve their problems for them

• Giving them advice like, "Drink some water," "Just go for a walk," or "Pray it away" because sometimes it's not that easy (even for good Catholics)

Curate A Loving Home

Certain mindsets associated with traditional Asian values are often damaging to people struggling with mental health (Cagande, 2013). Rather than receiving the support they need, the youth are often branded as disappointments or judged when they open up about mental health, especially when those around them don't understand the reality of mental illness. When people dealing with mental illness go to their friends and families for help, all they want is for someone to understand that their problems are real.

Showering someone with gifts isn't the same thing as spending time with them.

Start curating your parent-child relationship even before your children become teenagers (Javier et al., 2014). Build an environment where everyone feels safe and comfortable talking about their emotions. Students are already pressured to reach for the top and let their grades define them when in school. On social media, unrealistic expectations flood their devices, forcing them to grow up quickly to mimic what they see online. These pressures increase adolescents’ risk of depression, a risk that is compounded by unsafe home environments, particularly situations involving abuse (Estrada et al., 2019). At home, what the youth need from their parents is reassurance that their value is not in their grades or in what others think of them, but in who they truly are and what they stand for. Make sure your children know that you love them and that you’re proud of them no matter what. A safe, loving environment at home will make children and teenagers much more likely to reach out and open up.

You Matter Too

We all want to take care of our loved ones. However, we can't just "fix them." All we can do is support them through their mental health journey. Be there for your loved ones and show them you care. The most important thing is to listen and validate your loved ones' struggles.

It's okay not to be okay.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. Make sure not to neglect your own needs, because you matter just as much as anyone else. Even the best listeners need a day off. Try to get to know yourself and figure out your limits. Communicate with your loved ones and set boundaries when needed. At the end of the day, treat yourself like you would treat your closest friend. You deserve to be happy too.

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Special Thanks

In creating this initiative, we held a small survey to gather information on how people struggling with mental health actually want to be helped. We would like to thank all the brave people who participated and helped us make this project possible.

Contributors

Co-written by Grace Catan and Alexa Sambale

Research gathered by Reinier Navarro

Bibliography

Cagande, C. (2013). Child mental health in the Philippines. Adolescent Psychiatry, 3(1), 11–13. https://doi.org/10.2174/2210676611303010003

Estrada, C. A., Usami, M., Satake, N., Gregorio, E., Leynes, C., Balderrama, N., De Leon, J. F., Concepcion, R. A., Tuazon Timbalopez, C., Tsujii, N., Harada, I., Masuya, J., Kihara, H., Kawahara, K., Yoshimura, Y., Hakoshima, Y., & Kobayashi, J. (2020, August). Highlights of the training program by the national center for global health and medicine. In Current Situation and Challenges for Mental Health Focused on Treatment and Care in Japan and the Philippines, BMC Proceedings, 14(Suppl 11), 1–9. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12919-020-00194-0

Javier, J. R., Supan, J., Lansang, A., Beyer, W., Kubicek, K., & Palinkas, L. A. (2014, December). Preventing Filipino mental health disparities: Perspectives from adolescents, caregivers, providers, and advocates. Asian American Journal of Psychology, 5(4), 316–324. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036479

Maisel, N. C., & Gable, S. L. (2009). The paradox of received social support: The importance of responsiveness. Psychological Science, 20(8), 928–932. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02388.x